A 20-Something’s Letter to Santa

n-CHRISTMAS-HANGOVER-large570.jpg

Nothing puts such a strong spotlight on the aging process quite like the holidays. Over are the days of asking for toys and games, replaced instead by the basic necessities you haven’t quite figured out how to buy for yourself like a real adult would. “A 20-Something’s Letter to Santa” is a satirical open letter to Santa Claus concerning our generation’s shifting needs this holiday season — and it’s up here on Huffpost Comedy.

All of My Dieting Attempts Are Doomed

dieting donut

At BCG, fourteen coworkers and I started a “Biggest Loser” challenge last Friday – the competition goes right up against our company retreat in LA this June, and the winner gets $200 dollars in addition to getting to show off their fit new body by the pool at the resort. Not even a week in though, and I’m already struggling. Hence, my latest for HuffPost Comedy: All of My Dieting Attempts Are Doomed.

My Not-So Triumphant Return To Fitness

6Unlike the majority of Americans, I do not make the resolution to go to the gym and lose weight on the first day of every New Year. Instead, I make this resolution about one month earlier, on the Monday after Thanksgiving, because it’s the day I find myself overwhelmed with the most extreme amounts of self-loathing. So fresh in my mind is the awe-inspiring gluttony of Thursday, followed by a full 72 hours of unadulterated sloth, that I worry I’ll soon become one of those people who needs to be removed from his one-bedroom apartment in a wheelbarrow, arm fat spilling over the sides. I vow to change my ways immediately, and that’s how I find myself muttering curse words under my breath as I stuff tennis shoes into my gym bag, and gather the strength for my triumphant return to fitness. Read my satirical article about said gym visit (an adapted excerpt from “I Swear I’ll Be Good At It!”), live now on Thought Catalog and  Huffington Post and Medium .

Introducing “Sad, But Funny” (a new collection on Medium)

mediumI recently starting posting more of my writing on a website called Medium, whose tagline is: “a better place to read and write things that matter.” On Medium, writers publish their stories in a variety of overarching “collections” and I’ve decided to create my own, a column entitled Sad, But Funny.

Sad, But Funny is a place for writers to share stories which might not be inspiring, glamorous, or noteworthy, but are hilariously relatable in their witty recounting of the mundane. The topics may range greatly in scope (from awkward interactions with coworkers or family members, to frustrating experiences at the grocery store or gym, to managing our worst habits and most sarcastic thoughts), but the goal is always to get the reader to silently admit that he/she has “definitely been there,” and to earn a laugh, or a smile.

It’s the kind of humor I personally enjoy reading, and often find myself writing (or at least, trying to write). I’ve already posted a few stories in the collection, but now I’d like to invite you to contribute too!

If you want your sad-but-funny story included in the collection, please send an email to wesjanisen[at]gmail.com and I’ll make sure you get an invite. Please note: Medium connects to your Twitter account to create your writer profile, so if you don’t already have a Twitter page, go make one!

And while you’re brainstorming for your own articles, check out some of the posts below. They’re by different writers from all over the internet, but they’re some of my favorite reads, and they would jive well in the Sad, But Funny collection:

***

Happy reading & writing, and I hope to hear from you soon! 

 

Please Follow These Instructions For My Funeral

Not too long ago, I attended the funeral of a distant family member, a great-aunt I don’t think I’d ever met, and it was the most excruciating ceremony I’ve ever attended. The priest got her name wrong and talked at length about her 3 cats instead of anything important, it was awful. Anyway, I walked out of that church vowing that my own funeral would not go down like that. This post was originally featured on Thought Catalog, but to increase the likelihood my instructions are followed, here they are again, on Medium.